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MACHETE

–It stars the very badass Danny Trejo as Machete, a legendary ex-federale who’s randomly chosen to be the fall guy for a crooked political assassination.  But, like the trailer says, they just “(effed) with the wrong Mexican.”

–“Machete” started as one of the fake trailers during the “Grindhouse” double feature that Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino released in 2007.  But everyone loved those few minutes so much, Rodriguez decided to actually make the movie.

–Cheech Marin and Jeff Fahey will also reprise their roles from the fake trailer. 

–And they’ve gathered an amazing supporting cast that includes Michelle Rodriguez, looking about as sexy as a human female is allowed to by law . . . Jessica Alba, Robert De Niro, Steven Seagal, Don Johnson, and Lindsay Lohan.

–Lindsay only has a small role, including her “nun with a gun” action.  But don’t get your hopes too high for her nude scene because, according to Mr. Skin, she uses a body double whenever her naughty bits aren’t otherwise strategically covered by her hair.

–That’s not to say there’s a shortage of flesh.  Director Robert Rodriguez used the same trick of front-loading the movie with nudity that he used in “Sin City”.  That way, ANYONE who’s scantily clad still registers as nude in your dirty little mind.

GOING THE DISTANCE

–A romantic comedy starring Drew Barrymore and Justin Long as a couple stumbling through a long-distance relationship after an intense six-week summer fling.

–Charlie Day from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and Jason Sudeikis from “Saturday Night Live” play his drinking buddies . . . and Christina Applegate plays Drew’s overprotective sister.

–The film doesn’t look especially amusing from the trailer, but you might get a laugh from Christina Applegate catching them having sex on her dining room table . . . and then cringing through a family dinner whenever anyone’s food touches that table.

Official Site:  http://going-the-distance.warnerbros.com/

THE AMERICAN

–A suspense thriller starring George Clooney as an assassin hiding out in Italy after a job goes bad.  Despite wanting to quit the business, he accepts “one last job” building a custom rifle for a sexy female assassin . . . and starts up an affair with a local prostitute.

–As you might expect, quitting gets a little more complicated than he’d like.  Stick with “Machete” if you’re looking for non-stop action.  But if you’re satisfied with a slow, brooding pace and desire the sight of a shirtless George Clooney, then this is for you.

Official Site:  http://focusfeatures.com/film/the_american/

strong>“Takers” (PG-13)

–T.I. plays a bank robber whose $20 million heist is interrupted by Matt Dillon and his partner.  T.I.’s crew is made up of Chris Brown, Paul Walker, Idris Elba, Hayden Christensen and Michael Ealy.  “Avatar” minx Zoe Saldana is also in it.

Trailer:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAukh72fz9I

Official Site:  http://www.whoarethetakers.com/

“The Last Exorcism” (PG-13)

–A horror flick about a disillusioned minister who’s doing a documentary about how fake exorcisms are . . . until he encounters an actual demonic possession and has to attempt his first real exorcism to save a farmer’s daughter, and himself.

Trailer:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tak2rHa8P5I

Official Site:  http://www.thelastexorcism.com/

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AMC has put out a four-and-a-half-minute trailer for their upcoming show, “The Walking Dead” . . . and it looks like it’s going to be pretty ill.

–”The Walking Dead” will premiere on Halloween night.

A years or so ago, Jaoquin Phoenix appeared to be bugging out. He let his beard grow, he stopped doing movies, and decided to get his rap career poppin. Come to find out it was all a elaborate social prank. Well played bro.

 

 

“The Other Guys”  (PG-13)

–Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson are NYPD’s finest detectives . . . while Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg are “the other guys”, two desk cops who stumble onto a major case while trying to prove themselves.

–Michael Keaton plays their boss and Eva Mendes plays Will Ferrell’s naughty wife.

(–It’s written and directed by Adam McKay, who also did Will Ferrell’s “Talladega Nights” and “Step Brothers”.)

Trailer:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNJsbXPKUsk

Official Site:  http://www.theotherguys-movie.com

“Step Up 3D”  (PG-13)

–The third “Step Up” flick focuses on the chemistry between an Australian minx named Sharni Vinson and a former Abercrombie & Fitch model named Rick Malambri.  Like the previous films, it’s about a dance crew competing in a major dance competition.

–The supporting cast includes former contestants from “So You Think You Can Dance”.  But fans of the first two movies will still recognize some returning faces . . .

–16-year-old Disney actress Alyson Stoner, who played Channing Tatum’s little sister in the first flick, is back with some fresh moves.  And 18-year-old Adam Sevani, who you’d know as Moose from the second film, gets a much larger role in this one.

Trailer:  http://www.youtube.com/v/Z9Epdr8fJ0A

Official Site:  http://www.stepupmovie.com

 

Middle Men”  (R)  (Limited)

–Luke Wilson plays a businessman who immerses himself in the sex industry while helping build the world’s first billing company for online smut.  Kelsey Grammer is in it as a senator he blackmails, and James Caan is a mobster collecting on a loan.

Trailer:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am_T56uOOnw

Official Site:  http://middlemenmovie.com/

“Twelve”  (R)  (Limited)

–Chace Crawford plays a wannabe drug dealer working New York’s wealthy Upper East Side, with 50 Cent as his shady supplier.  It’s narrated by Kiefer Sutherland, and Julia Roberts’ niece Emma Roberts plays Chace Crawford’s unsuspecting girlfriend.

Trailer:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIJ8W9_9IO8 

Official Site:  http://www.12-themovie.com

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