Obviously, there’s no GOOD way to die.  But some ways are clearly better than others, and THIS isn’t one of them . . .

–Last September, police discovered the dead body of 57-year-old Jeffery Burton in the living room of his home in St. Leonards, England (–about 65 miles southeast of London).

–He was wearing only his underwear, he had a deep gash in his upper thigh, and he was lying next to a bloody, oversized NOVELTY PENCIL.

–According to police, the working theory is that Jeffrey committed suicide by repeatedly stabbing himself in the CROTCH with the pencil.  (???)

–The county coroner says, quote, “It’s a mystery to me.  If you were choosing to take your own life, that’s not the way you would do it. 

–”It seems to me that it can’t have been a single stab wound.  He seems to have worked on it.  The pencil was blunt.”

–Jeffrey’s sister, Patricia, says the pencil had sentimental value because it used to belong to their late mother. 

–But in the weeks before his death, Jeffrey seemed sociable and healthy, and she has no idea why he took his life . . . especially in such a gruesome and painful way.  (Mirror)